Any couples must have faced the arguments, quarrels or even the risk of break several times during their marriage. So what do you often do in these cases? How do the situations get improved? Actually, you will say that sometimes the situations get improved but sometimes they seem to get worse. So my honest How To Fix A Marriage article today will help you to make control over the problems during your marriage and you will be able to fix them successfully regardless of their danger level.
Ok, the complete pathway to fix your marriage that I want to reveal you includes 8 steps as follow:
Step 1. Make a list of all the issues
Yes, first of all, let’s sit down, think and make a list of the issues which you and your spouse are disagreeing with, including both the issues that you refrain from talking about and fear that talking might lead to argument.
By this way, not only can you understand your partner better, you can also improve yourself. Then, you will find what actually the cause of your arguments is and finally, find out mutually agreeable solutions to all of these issues. Plus, you can learn the skills to resolve new issues as they arise with similarly win-win solutions.
Step 2. Fix your focus solidly on yourself.
Yes, in this step, let’s try to get your partner to change invite defensiveness. In fact, nobody feels happy when being told they’re doing things wrong or, far worse, that they are a bad person. So why don’t you use your energies and intelligence to figure out what YOU could do differently.
There are many useful ways you yourself can create easily and one of the very useful ways is to make a question to get started, yeah, the question could be: What would enable you to stay loving and good-humored even if the frustrating pieces in your spouse’s repertoire never get an upgrade? A question like this will allow you to become “self-centered” in the best sense. If both of you are seeking to do your own upgrades, the marriage will certainly blossom.
Step 3. Cut the crap
Remember that the negative muck that you give each other is totally unhelpful. It only leads to a negative rationship, bad things such as criticism, complaints, blame can be caused. So what should we do? Yes, let’s say goodbye with anger escalation. Stay in the calm zone only. Learn to keep yourself calm in any situations, and then re-engage cooperatively.
Research psychologist John Gottman indicated that marriages generally survive if the ratio of good to bad interactions is 5 to 1. SO what do you want? to barely survive? Or to save the marriage in a way that will make it thrive? If you want thriving, aim for 100,000,000:1, which means, don’t sling mud at all. Cut the crap.
Step 4. Learn to share concern constructively
A simple and easy-to-follow way to do that in sensitive conversations is to stick with the following four sentence-starter options:
- I feel (then add a one-word feeling such as worried about, upset) …
- My concern is………..
- I would like to …(never use “I would like you to ….)
- How would you feel about that? or, What‘s your thoughts on that?
Step 5. Learn how to make decisions together.
I call collaborative decision-making the “win-win waltz.”
The aim of win-win is an action plan that pleases you both. So how to get it? Yes, when you have something different, show your underlying concerns, and listen to your partner’s concerns at the same time then, together to create a solution responsive to all the concerns of both of you.
The best way to conduct this step is to deal with the issues you listed in step 1. You may get amazed at how the issues that seemed so intractable can get solved to work for both of you.
Step 6. Eradicate the three A’s that are likely to kill your marriage.
Affairs, Addictions, and excessive Anger are actually deal-breakers. They are out-of-bounds in a healthy marriage. So if you are including one of these self-defeating and relationship-destroying habits, get help and get it out of your life as soon as possible.
Step 7. Radically enhance the positive energies you give your partner.
Yeah, the helpful advice here is to Smile more, Touch more, and Hug more. In addition, make more “eye kisses., more sex, more shared time and shared projects…
More regularly deal with the agreements that you and your partner used to have in the past that you might have answered with “But…”. Now, deal with them in a new approach. Remember that listening is loveing, especially when you are listening for information, never try to show what’s wrong with what your partner says or to show that you know more. In stead, learn to give more help, give more praise and more gratitude, do more fun activities together, so on. Actually, the best things in life are free. So the more positives you give, the more good things you’ll get.
Step 8. Consider your parent’s marriage strengths and weaknesses. Then decide what you want to do differently.
Most people look at their parent’s marriage, including both the strength and the weakness, and also the way they were treated by their parents when getting marriage. These can be valuable and practice lessons. But let’s make some differences by intimating and developing and the good things and improve the bad things, then you will get a really happy and long-lasting marriage.
Ok, so after these 8 powerful steps? Are you confident that you will be able to fix marriage and keep it happy no matter what the issues are? Or are you ready to start a married life (if you are intending to get married)? OK, let’s feel confident for these are proven steps that a talented professional in the field suggests and they have brought amazing success to a lot of couples worldwide.